Awake

One more rap. And this ones written from the heart. Here you go. Enjoy and dun get sad. LOL.

Open my eyes for the millionth time and I sigh
Stare at the clock and watch the seconds tick by
I just can’t sleep no matter how hard I try
The curtains pulled back but it’s the same outside
Its dark on the other side and I know the reason why
An hour past midnight, time just won’t flyWhat’s wrong with you Maryam why you still awake?
I dun know what to say. What could be the reply?
Take a deep breath; yes think of a reason why
I can’t figure it out. I’ll just have to fake
That I slept all night; I’m not even awake.

Hot bath, Fruit, Milk and Pills
Nothings working anymore, the night’s so still
It creeps me out to think what lurks inside
The shadows, the corners, the covers of the night
Why are you so silly Maryam you used to be so brave?
Give up this paranoia your digging your own grave.

Sit up and look around, my world spins like a ball
Why don’t you just end this once and for all?
The pills are right there a few dozen would do the trick
It’ll be silent and easy. Really very quick.
Pills in my hand, Could it be so easy as this?
Snap out of it idiot, you’re not a coward prick
My stomach lurches and the pills fall in
Back in the jar; what were you thinking?

Another deep breath and I pull the covers up
Throw the jar away, back to square one
What’s wrong with you Maryam why you still awake?
I dun know what to say. What could be the reply?
Take a deep breath; yes think of a reason why
I can’t figure it out. I’ll just have to fake
That I slept all night; I’m not even awake

Funny when everyone else will desert
God still stays by my side
He’s there when I sleep and He’s there each night
I remember him when I’m happy so how could I forget
Him when I’m scared, or full of regret
So I raise my palms and I cover my head
God please help me, give me happiness instead
Of all this pain. I’m tired. I need rest.
Where’s my reward? I think I passed your test.

Angel

Hellow people. Im back with some brand new poetry! Check it out.

 

MY ANGEL

Try as I may I cant remember them at all
Those angels I musta seen when i was born
I think Id smiled but i just cant recall
Their faces or their names; nothing at all

What I have lost

People I am back on track with some more poetry/ rap. Id written the following a long while ago.. but was workin on em more, making them a tiny bit less explicit so everyone can read them n u dont get disoriented. So i removed all the F and S words (:P) which i had jotted down with such anger and despair when i was writing this.

Here you go. Hope you can relate:

“WHAT I HAVE LOST”

I realize now, pen in hand
How difficult it is for some to understand

That I had less before
But I have lost some more

And even though theres not much
They wont get it cuz they cant see. Such
fear that invades me,
The solitude that prevails.
I cant decide
what to show to you
whatever to hide

Yes Im losing my sanity
And I hope that i leave peacefully
But thats not where it ends
And you wont get it cuz you cant see.Such
fear that invades me,
The solitude that prevails.
I cant decide
What to show to you
Whatever to hide
I blame noone for their lack o comprehension
If i were you Id probably tell me to seek redemption
For the sins that Ive committed and those that await
I question my beliefs and i curse my fate

Not because i had less before
But because I have lost some more.

Kallar Kahar

We were going to mangla but stopped at Kallar Kahar for some hiking. On the way we sang songs, laughed like CRAZYYY and made stupid jokes and riddles. Since we had a lotta junkfood and water we had to stop at every other gas station for someone to go use the toilet! Hehe! and of course to fill our stomachs with more o that yummy junkfood that tastes twice as delicious when ur cooped up in a car. We passed this awesome hilly area with such a beautiful landscape that we couldnt help getting off at the TDCP point and trekking and hiking a little. It’s called Kallar Kahar. I took a few pictures while we were on the road.

Okay first we went hiking in Kallar kahar (on the way to mangla) which was awesome! Me, the anemic got to the summit first and it was AWESOME! It was so high we could see the whole lake and a lot of houses as well. The scenery was breathtaking, the view magnificient.

Here’s the lake;

Beautiful aint it? Its just so scenic, and well im not really a professional photographer but the feeling of being there was greater than you can ever get from these lame photographs tht i took. The lake was pristine, clear, blue and sparkly! It was awesome.

Random thoughts!

I wrote the following when i was very depressed and dejected and well.. lets see if you can make some sense out of this ! haaha! Gotta tell you i cant. At that time all this seemed to fit. Now i cant find the ends :P! Enjoy!

 i blabber away to the walls hoping for some kind of recongnition in this insane world filled with its blumbering idiots in all walks of life that make it appear as if they have some unfathomable task at hand that is so intricate it is just to envied  becuase the world needs to implicate to everyone they realized whatever huge task they had set out to oh so easily accomplish meanwhile trampling every one elses opinions in the way doin eactly what ur doing and

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

me too pasting our opinions over others thinking so highly of ourselves that we lose the value of what we had initially set out for making it in every way undeniably true that the holy are holier and the desecerated even more becuase reasoning is just to be shown not pracitsed as pracitse itself will eventually make it hypocriticaland the little comforts of ages long forgotten perish in this long dash towards achieveing somehting that can never be achieved yet we continue to discredit ourselves and bring to attention our heroic taks and the balanced becomes imbalanced while we label it as meant to be and create our intricate webs of fiction and fact where history and belief are second to none but the complexity of our own lives eat us up and in short all this hooplah leads to one sentence LIFE SUCKS.

 

 

 

Cat nap?!

A cat takin a breather on out terrace while i spy on it Summers been really tough on these guys! Gosh i love cats!

Star power!

This is another on o my sketches.! This one took just one day. I drew a conventional star then rubbed off the lines in between to get an out line. Then i made thick dark lines in the middle goin to the corners. After that the shading began which was later rubbed in and smoothed.

Google picasa

Picasa can do wonders to feet. Hehe LOL! I just like this photograph. Hope u do too.

TV!

Thats me INSIDE the TV!!!

And thats just the picture zoomed out. Actually its a reflection caught by the camera’s powerful Carl Zies lens. innovative eh?! I like to turn mundane things into cool ones! Thers many cases in which criminals and perpertrators were caught using the reflection caugh by camera on a window or a TV or shiny surface. Incredible? YES!

The palm tree.

This is a palm tree that i drew when i was feelin pretty lonely and philosophical one day. It took 2 days to finish drawing it.Then i had to shade it in. At first i used pencil. But then i had this crazy idea that a lil green highlights wouldnt hurt. so i put that in as well (up on the leaves) and then shaded the rest o the picture. i smooth down the lines with my finger. ive used other mehtods but nothing can beat a bare finger. lol! Well this is how the picture turnd out after 3 days o hard work!

What makes me be-witching!

I just love taking quizzes. I took another one.. and hers the result that i got.

WOOO HOO See what i mean

Handwriting analysis

The following was a result from a

handwriting quiz i took from web.tickle.com.

Check it out! 

Mary, your handwriting reveals that you are Resilient
Your writing style reflects that you don’t feel easily defeated and that you weather the storms that come your way. Tickle research indicates that people who are resilient generally have a few or all of the following characteristics in their writing:

• Average or faster writing speed
• A rightward slant
• A vertical slant
• A baseline that is neither false ascending nor descending
• A normal left margin
• Average-sized letters
• A writing style that combines print and cursive, or exclusively printing

Your writing tends to be fast and slanted forward toward the right, indicating that you’re ready and willing to move toward the future. You have unconscious faith in your own resilience, and thus you don’t resist moving forward. Of all of the personality characteristics that are projected in your writing, resiliency is the one that predominates. However, Tickle has also included in this report a comprehensive handwriting analysis, using traditional methods, to give you a deeper view into what a handwriting analyst might say about you based on your writing.

To help you better consider the information you might hear from a traditionally trained graphologist, Tickle has generated a handwriting analysis with scientific annotations. These annotations reflect the confidence with which Tickle would agree with a handwriting analyst. Each item in this report has between one to three checkmarks next to it, indicating the level of confidence with which Tickle could validate the accuracy of the claims within the section. Items with no checkmarks were not validated in Tickle’s study.

In addition to the ten handwriting traits just discussed, handwriting analysts also take into account the formation of individual letters. This section of your report reveals what graphologists would say about your letter formation.

Your lower-case “a” indicates that you have a sociable personality.

Your lower case “b” is a standard shape and indicates your adherence to the norm in some cases.

The shape of your upper-case “C” is a sign of intelligence and creativity.

Analysts see this shape of upper-case “D” as a sign of an educated person who is well-balanced.

Your lower-case “g” reveals that you may feel like your sex life is unsatisfactory.

The formation of your lower-case “i” signifies that you’re an optimistic and ambitious person.

Your upper-case “I” indicates that you’re an educated and well-balanced person.

Handwriting analysts believe that your lower-case “j” indicates that you feel sexually dissatisfied.

Your upper-case “L” indicates that you’re an educated and balanced person.

According to graphologists, your upper-case “M” is a sign of intelligence.

The shape of your lower-case “n” points to stubbornness and potential insincerity.

Your capital “O” is a sign that you’re determined and discreet.

The shape of your capital V and W reveal your good education.

Analysts believe your lower-case “y” is a sign of a well-balanced personality.

Major changes

Now that my exams are over and ive finished celebrating and being lazy all the time its time to start some MAJOR changes in this blog dont you think? I ll be more active from now on.. making at least two entries into the blog each week. Since this is a blog of a teenager its supposed to be less mature and more down-to-earth relating to the problems , bliss and life of a teenager.

 I have a few things in mind such as posting up some of my photography and a little of my artwork is coming up too. So wait for that. Mean while it wouldnt do you any harm to click up there on the FAVOURITES or BOOKMARKS buttons to bookmark this blog. Dont u agree?

Goodbye for now but some new stuff is coming up very soon. C’ ya

The HEAT IS KILLING me

Summer is here and even though the sun isnt shining at its full might yet, its close to it and as funny, paranoid or nerdy as it sounds we need to protect ourselves from the harmful sun rays that confront us. This need cannot be stressed upon enough times because the heat in the summer is dangerous than u might think. Did u know that there are more deaths due to heat than deaths due to tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes combined? Well its hard to believe but the answer is YES!

Heat waves occur in places that have long summers, and some days of the summer can reach a temperature of upto 40 degrees and have a lot of humidity. This criteria is fulfilled in a LOT of countries like the south Asian countries, the south of America, Australia, countries in Europe such as France e.t.c.

A Heat wave has been described in wikipedia as “a prolonged period of excessively hot weather, which may be accompanied by high humidity. There is no universal definition of a heat wave; the term is relative to the usual weather in the area. Temperatures that people from a hotter climate consider normal can be termed a heat wave in a cooler area if they are outside the normal climate pattern for that area. The term is applied both to routine weather variations and to extraordinary spells of heat which may occur only once a century.”

Heat waves can cause death, severe hyperthermia, seizures, vomitting and just general sickness. It is better to live with someone during the extreme summer times because people can identify if someone is sick and can call an ambulance before it gets worse. Also, it is essential that you have some kind of a cooling method such as an Air conditioner because fans can solve nothing in a heat wave. Older people should never be left alone in the violent heat because they are the most vulnerable targets to heat waves. Its also mandatory that u take a bath everyday preferably with cold water just to bring the temperature of your body down, do not use too many comsetics and eat lighter, juicier food. You would also need to drink lots and lots of water and stick to an all summer healthy diet.

This might sound disgusting but it works. Whenever your pee, look at ur urine. It has to be clear to tell u that ur drinking enough water. If its yellow or foamy or too orange (like the one underneath) then ur dehydrated and are not drinking enough water.

I have seen people live through heat waves just because they had a lot of water (twice the amount u normally drink). They did not even have air conditioning. The key here is to keep your body temperature down and to drink large amouts of water, and eat fresh fruits. Use lemons in ur food a lot and vegetables are essential.

A Bernard?

My friend has a dog whose breed she cant identify and sadly for me, she doesnt even have pictures of it on her computer. (Or maybe she does and i never asked her for them!) And im on this wild goose chase to try and indentify her dog’s breed. She took it to the vet and he told her its not a mixed one but probably a pure breed. He also told her the dog’s breed but since my friend here suffers invariably from arachnophobia she forgot her dog’s breed when she looked at the spider Mr. long legs in the vet’s clinic. Now whenever i ask her the breed she either goes “bernard..or maybe its bulnard?” Hahaha.

Now im left to identify the dog without any visual aids and i have a sort of vivid picture of how the doog might look like. The dog is all white with three to four BIG blotches of brown on the body. It has a fairly straight face which is not too round. It has a white, hairy and thin tail. The ears stand up but theyre a lil sloppy at the ends. its five months old and has a height of 13 inches from the ground till its back when it stands all fours…

If someone can help…and point me in the right direction please do! If u need extra info to identify the breed i ca provide that. ! Thanks in advance.

The watercooler—RAP

The following is a rap i wrote after i just couldnt keep it inside anymore. Dont really care if it doesnt appeal because its written inside my 24 hour working fist-sized heart.

She acted like a punk almost always a lil rude

He wasnt much of a hunk…not really a dude

They weren’t made for eachother

No the cupid didn’t shoot

 

So they both were a lil geeky. A lil less popular

But there wasn’t a match made in heaven. Nothing in particular

Sublimity was absent. Ridicule she mostly countered

She wondered if they knew or even recognized her

 

But he knew it was there. They were meant to be

Heard him out realized their feelings were the same

 

Had this going on for a long time. Didn’t know the game

Werent good players at it. Intent was the same

 

They keep talking about it hoping something transpires

They meet at the water cooler. Quench non existent fires

 

He thought he didn’t deserve her. Didn’t earn her care

Little did he know he was her very own solitaire

 

So what if he didn’t regard her as much as she did him?

Things can change and that’s what employed him

 

Shed think about him once and be riveted to the ground

She knew it wasn’t a fairy tale

 

But it looked like it. Had the same sound

Fairy tales aint true. This was nothing short of one.

 

So they keep talking about it hoping something transpires

They meet at the water cooler. Quench non existent fires.

Summer! boredom? No way! kick ass!

Exams ended and now almost all the highschool kids are free from the clutches of STUDIES! 24 hours of free time. No responsibilities of homework, assignments or waking up early. For the next month I will be trying to fall into a routine of some kind and desperately try to make some kind of a time management table but will fail pathetically at keepin to it. Haha.

There are just so many things to do that they just cannot possible fit in three months that are given to us. I have to learn playing the keyborad.. continue my painting and sketching work..skateboard… join an internship… read so many books waiting to be devoured at the boookstores. I also have to join an academy to prepare for my exams this novembor of human and social biology. Oh and yes i also have to keep this blog.. write a journal, and read the english tafseer of the Holy Quran and try my best to understand each and every word of it. Im also working on making my spoken expression better through thought and laments. So in short there are quite a lot of things that i need to do.

And yet my friends and peers complain that theyre bored sick, dont know wat to do and are lazing their time away! I say get off ur lazy asses and DO SOMETHING! There are so many things to do! You can join some organization, work somewhere, or even clean up your own house (not what id reccomend :P), start a literary or computer project. These three months can be utilized VERY positively. You can even work on a health regime if u like! Renovate ur house, change the decor, write something, save up to buy something uve always wanted, get some beads and string and start making bracelets, buy a skateborad and learn that, start playing tennis at ur local club! Theres a lotta opportunities. You just need to think.!

What a life!

Optimism is what drives me and today is extra special! I had my Urdu paper today. Its the subject i most suck at! Well guess what? I studied till 2 am last night and gave the best paper ive given in years! Pretty confident that Ill get a really good grade in it!

Oh and I also (FINALLY) mastered the rap to this awesome song “lonely world” by LIMP BIZKIT! man! Its hard but the rap’s just too awesome and meaningful to NOT learn it! Rap’s been pretty infamous in many conservative people and societies cuz of its boldness and bluntness but I just think that we should be able to find the right KIND of rap! Hehehe! As fortminor says in their song “cigarettes”:

I’m not even ashamed
I got too much reality thats filling up my brain
so sell me on that chronic, I’m addicted to the game
Suck it up like a cigarette, light it up

Its just like a cigarette, its something that I do
Once in awhile but between me and you
Its just like a cigarette Nobody’s really fooled
I dont want the truth, I wanna feel fucking cool
‘m runnin out to get the next rapper’s CD
Just suckin up the guns, drugs, and misogyny
The same way that I suck up all the stories

Now that is some brainless zombi-ic attitude that really is disgusting but a lot of teenagers are just like wats described above!

P.Diddy, Nelly, Sean Paul, Eminem (most songs) are pure crap thats made to rhyme and sound really COOL AND GANGSTER like…! And its appalling to hear them chanting along with all the shit they give them!

Anyways…where was i again? Oh yes..i learnt the rap. Now thats some pretty realistic and meaningful rap right there.! Till later ciao! (ALLAH HAFIZ!)

We’re here to hurt no body!

Mustve heard this in the lyrics of the Timbaland, Nelly Furtado and J.T’s feat…but here i use a more serious meaning!

In the recent years muslims all over the globe have been labelled terrorists, extremists, psychopaths, lunatics, convicts and overtly violent. Im a muslim.

I don’t think I need to defend my position here because when you yourself have a clear idea of who you are you don’t need to justify your position to anyone any further. More like “I dun give a shit about what u percieve me as!”

Take an example of an ordinary situation like the muslims are facing right now. A farmer used to have a very beautiful field. He used to grow very high yeilds of crops and everyone praised his work. He was excellent at it. He admitted that all of this was becuase of some theories and strategies due to which he achieved this success. He had three sons. They grew up to be his apprentices and promised to follow whatever he had told them. Now when the farmer passed away the sons began to forget what the farmer had told them. The began to form their own rules and strategies of growing crops in the feild. Soon enough their field turned into crap and none of the people liked their work. So they began to think that the farmer hadn’t had “good enough” strategies and ways to produce a high yeild and a succesful crop.

The case is same here with Islam. Islam is a beautiful religion fit for a king as well as peasant. Its the perfect guide to live a successful, peaceful and comfortable life. When Islam came it spread with all glory under the Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him). (Take him as the farmer in the story). But after the death of Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H) his followers gradually forgot how to follow Islam in the real sense. They became entrapped in rituals, traditions and culture. They became superstitious and forgot the many teachings of Islam. Now i accept many “people claiming to be true muslims” are doing a lot of damage. But that doesn’t mean that ISLAM ITSELF is a bad religion.

Think for yourselves…Lets not keep in mind that we’re talking particularly about Islam here. Rationalize and ponder. If the followers of a religion go astray, does that mean that that RELIGION is wrong as well? NO! Of course not! Because the fault doesnt lie with the religion my friends…It lies with the FOLLOWERS.

I hope Ive made a few things clear here. The true muslims are here to hurt nobody. Islam is a blessing for all mankind. Believe it or don’t. You’ll find out on the Day Of Judgement anyway.

EXAM FEVER!

Here in Pakistan Its EXAMINATION fever!!! The board exams for matric are happening.. the O levels students just ended with their “mocks” and are preparin for their finals… and me…well im kinda in the middle. Im in O levels 2nd grade… Preapring for assessments then later final exams to get promoted to the next grade which of course will be the REAL THING!

Assesments happenin this monday! Everyone;s upset and hyper. Some of us are using the internet and the tv more frenquently than beofre while there are some (tho not in a large quantity) who are doing nothing but studying. Me? Well Im kinda in the middle (AGAIN) hahaha! I study hard…then when i get tired i have fun..listen to some music and then study again! Lol!

I just like this technique..dunno why. There s loads of techinques that are there when giving ur exams here in Pakistan common among the students. There s one where u study all day and all night. You eat studying, walk studying , sit studying..sleep studying !! You switch off your cellphone so no one disturbs you.If ur neighbours make some noise u either scream at them or u stuff ur ears and keep studying. You fill ur register and practice books with essays, keypoints, formulae, definitions and explanations.

Thers another technique where you watch TV all day and play games…use the internet.. sms all day long and never leave ur cellphones alone. At night you have some EXAM GIULT and read hte summaries of all chapters just to give urself an idea of what u have to write in hte paper. Then u go to sleep hoping u get an easy paper and saying to urself “How hard could it be?” Next morning you write down all that u fear u might forget and hide it in different parts of ur uniform knowing you might need it later

There s always the middle path though. You read all the books…get hte basic concept. You make a rough sketch of all that u need to study. You memorize and connect all the points and concepts and really concentrate for a whole two hours..then u listen to hard rock..eat a lot and have fun…after that u study hard again for a couple of hours and wen ur satisfied you get up take a bath and watch some tv. At night you revise watevers coming in the paper and go give it.

The last one is my type of a routine….Its fun, healthy and not guilt inducing and trust me it gets u pretty good grades if not EXCELLENT ones. The first type of technique is for those who want to get hte best grades of all and dont mind becoming brainless, un creative and physically unfit. They also shouldnt have a problem with loss of eyesight, badlness, white hair and pale faces